September... what an adventure!!

I can't believe that it is almost October. In a few weeks I will be half way done with my first semester of grad school. I'd like to take a moment and just say that God has been so good and so faithful. This past month I have experienced more joy and more satisfaction in my day to day life than I have in a long time. Sure grad school is super busy. But I feel like I am thriving in it, which happens to be one of the words God gave for this season- that I would thrive.

Here is a little recap of what the last month has looked like:

JH Ministry

What a beautiful lifegroup we have! I am so expectant for what God is going to do over this next year with this group of world changers. We had our first lifegroup this month and it was so fun.

Band Alumni Day

I got to relive the glory days early in September when alumni were invited back to march with the band. Whenever I get a chance to be in that kind of environment, it makes me miss it a little bit to be honest. I mean, band was my life for so long. I have wondered if I did the right thing by pursuing social work. The peace in my heart tells me I did the right thing. But I still miss it some days.
I'm glad I was able to connect with the directors and old friends. I am so thankful for the impact they have each had on my life!

 Friends

This past month I have had the privilege of making many new friends, especially from my masters program. I also had the privilege of saying goodbye to a few friends who are headed overseas to change the world for Jesus. 

Tortilla tossing with some new friends

              Saying goodbye to Megs for a year. What a faithful friend!

Saying goodbye to Chantel for 2 years as she heads to Asia.

World Mandate

World Mandate was this month and boy was it good. I had so much revelation about things relating to my heart and where God has me right now. Also so fun to worship with thousands of other believers!

I am so excited about what God is doing. I keep telling people, I think I can tell that when I'm done with my masters I'm going to look more like Jesus. That's just the nature of what I'm learning about and it's so exciting. 

Be looking for more updates. There might be a trip to Asia for me coming up at the beginning of the year...

Blessings!!

A Little Life Update

It's been close to a year since I last posted anything on this blog (which goes to show how I am about blogging... the worst!). But I wanted to take some time to share what's been going on in my life.

1. New house. New roommates.
In June I moved into a house close to church. I now share a room with a lovely girl from England who really loves Jesus.

2. Parents moved to Waco.
In July my parents moved to Waco to be closer while I'm in Waco. I love having them here.

3. Summer trip to Idaho, Montana, Wyoming.
Over the summer I traveled to Idaho to meet my birth mom and her family. It was amazing. Hopefully more on that later. I then headed to Montana for a friends wedding and then decided to take a few days to check out Yellowstone. It was beautiful and needless to say, a lot cooler than Texas. 

4. Grad School.
A few weeks ago grad school kicked off with orientation and an intro course. I have now completed my first official week of classes. I am also interning at Antioch and have a graduate assistantship with the Texas Hunger Initiative.

5. Still teaching some private lessons.

6. Still working with the amazing Junior High students at church. And I love it.

7. Falling more in love with Jesus.
I'm happy to say that I'm not the same person I was even a year ago because I keep falling more in love with Jesus. One of the things my roommate and I prayed earlier in the summer was, "Jesus, if you asked us to do anything and 'no' was a not an option, what would you ask of us?" Well, I felt like He wanted me to take a break from media in the fall and change some of my eating habits. So here I am... pulling the plug on Netflix, movies, twitter, instagram, and facebook. I will be updating this blog as I can (no promises) and then hopefully have my roommate post the link on facebook as me.

You know, we all have a lot going on. And I've found in myself that sometimes my fallback is to check facebook or watch some episodes on Star Trek on netflix to clear my head. But really, it never gives me rest. Jesus promises more. And none of those things are bad, I just feel called in this season to remove myself from them... to really see if what Jesus offers in their place is really better.

I have a very full plate in this season and can use any prayers or encouragement you want to send my way.

PS. I will probably check facebook every once in a while to check for messages and event invites but nothing else. Basically for the purpose of communication. Just wanted to say that up front.

Days 3-5: When I Don't Feel Like Listening

I'm sure we've all had those experiences where we make a resolution and then constantly find ourselves coming up short. New Years Resolutions. Diets. Budget. Hobbies. School. Kicking an addiction. And if you are a Christian and anything like me you've probably made a resolution to be more radical for Jesus. Maybe it was at a conference or a retreat or a mission trip. Maybe you were like me with this and you just saw a void in your life and wanted a change. So for the last few days I've found myself wrestling over what I thought I should be doing and what I was actually doing. What do we do when this happens? When we feel like fire is dwindling from our souls and we believe we should be doing more?

Don't give up.

"Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 3:12-14

I've been thinking a lot these last few days about Peter and Paul. I don't know about anyone else but I really relate to these guys, especially Peter. Before Jesus died, Peter was zealous and made resolutions that Jesus knew he couldn't keep. "Even though all may fall away because of You, I will never fall away" (Matthew 26:33). Jesus told him exactly what he would end up doing and still Peter said he wouldn't deny Him, even if he had to die. Then Jesus asked them to stay awake and they couldn't even do that.

If the disciples couldn't listen and obey when Jesus was right there with them then what makes us think we can do any better when we can't see Him and touch Him?

Aha! There is hope. I think the disciples lacked 2 things before the resurrection that are game changers in the life of every believer.

First, even thought they knew Jesus was the Son of God and had walked with Him, they still didn't fully understand what He was there to do. He kept telling them but it took a while for them to get it. What Jesus came to do on the cross is everything. Every believer must carry inside them a revelation of the cross of Christ and how that demonstrates His grace and love. Personally, I think Americans struggle with this. We live in a land of opportunity and have so much at our disposal. Most of the time we can get by without truly needing God and we don't understand our human depravity. I have a theory that this is why we are seeing crazy moves of God in other nations but not as much in America. People who realize they have nothing can risk everything.

We don't understand how much we've been forgiven! Luke 7:47 demonstrates this point perfectly, "For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little."

Truly understanding the forgiveness, grace, and love of Jesus frees us to love much! And scripture is clear that doing things without love is worthless.

Second, the other game changer in the lives of the disciples was being filled with the Holy Spirit. As soon as the Holy Spirit came, BOOM! You read of boldness, signs and wonders, increased faith, thousands coming to Christ, etc. The Spirit empowers us to do what God is asking us to do. Without the Holy Spirit everything we try to do will only be in our own strength. I can pretty much guarantee that I'll be talking more about the Holy Spirit in later blog posts.

So what does this mean for me today? Well, I've been sensing that I need a revelation of the grace and love of Christ. That's what I feel like God is telling me to focus on right now. But it's at conflict with something inside me that says, "Oh, but I should be out there in the world today, doing crazy things for Christ." Sometimes it's harder to actually wait on the Lord rather than going out and trying to take the victory for ourselves. The more I study scripture the more I see that apart from Jesus' resurrection work in me and the power of the Holy Spirit I can't do it. The disciples (and Paul) had these things before we see them doing the "crazy" things we all dream about but don't think we'll ever get to. I believe that in this next season I am going to have a Paul conversion experience where my eyes will be opened to deeper things and it will be a game changer in my life. I sensed this as I was reading about Paul yesterday morning and then later that day someone randomly texted me that verse! It was encouraging and more clear. But until then, I will wait for Him.

But there's people out there who need to be healed and hear about Jesus! Yes, however, Jesus didn't heal everyone and tell everybody about what He was there to do. At times He baffled His disciples because He said it was time to go do something else when there was a line of people who needed to be healed. Why didn't Jesus heal every person on earth or tell everyone about the Father? If anyone could have done it, it would have been Jesus. I've seen so many times that what God might be asking me to do is in conflict with what my performance nature is telling me to do. For example, He might be telling me to rest with Him but my performance nature says I need to go out and pray for people. So then when I end up not going out to pray I feel guilty for not doing what I think I should be doing (when in reality it might not be what God wants me to do in that moment). And then what ends up happening is I stop asking God what I should do because I'm afraid of failing. I don't feel like listening. And then I feel even more guilty for not listening.

Thank You Jesus for GRACE! If I resolve anything today may it be that I will not quit but I will press on and I will receive Your love and grace when I fall short. Thank You that You never give up on me just like You never gave up on the disciples or Paul, even with all their failures. Thank You that You are about the process and not our perfection. Help me to not be guilted into listening but let it be a joy. Holy Spirit, give all of us a revelation of the love of Christ and how much we have been forgiven.

Day 2: Invitation to a Holy Moment

I am becoming more and more convinced that what Jesus asks us to do is more of an invitation than a command. I'm not trying to diminish the power of a command or by using the word "invitation" make it seem optional.  But in reality, it is optional. We don't have to do anything Jesus says. That's the beauty of relationship and free will. We get to do things with Him.

Here's my revelation of what an invitation means from this morning. Before I go to bed I try to ask Jesus how He wants my morning to go. Now, I have my routine and a schedule but last night I wanted to see if there was anything different He wanted me to do. I felt like He wanted me to get up earlier and go out and watch the sunset with Him. Invitation. So, I set my alarm a little earlier and headed out to go watch the sunrise. 

Now, let me pause for a moment. I think we would agree that we all have those places, people, things that, when we see them, we are reminded of something, either good or bad. I want to talk about the bad. Maybe it's that person who, every time you see them you can't seem to forget about how they hurt you. Or maybe it's an object associated with a painful memory. Or a place where something took place.  And you can't help but be reminded of the past. Well, that happened to me. Nothing extremely painful just some places that, whenever I go by them I'm reminded of part of my past that I'm not too proud of. 

Well, that's where Jesus wanted us to watch the sunset. It was beautiful. And I felt like God wanted to do much more than show me the sunset. He wanted to show how He makes everything new. Out of His kindness and goodness He wanted me to get up early in the morning so He could replace that old memory with a new one. Now every time I think about that place I'll be reminded of the time I met with Jesus there. I prayed, worshipped, and marveled at beauty. And He took me back to the past and showed me that He was there all along.

All it takes is a moment to listen. A moment to look just a little closer. A moment to take time and reflect and respond. I'm reminded of the burning bush. Moses could have completely missed it if he hadn't taken the time. How often do we miss those Holy Moments because we are so focused on other things? It's not a condemning question, it's a thoughtful question. I think that's what John meant when he said that His commands are not burdensome. They are supposed to be an invitation to a holy moment. Whenever God asks you to forgive, it's a holy moment. Whenever He asks you to give, it's a holy moment. Whenever He asks you to get up early to pray, it's a holy moment. Whenever He takes you to a painful place, it's a chance to make it a holy moment. He is the Restorer! He is the Healer! He is the Provider! 

As I continue on this journey I want to start seeing every prompting of the Spirit as an invitation, not some chore that I'm dreading to do. He doesn't command and condemn, He invites and restores. Jesus, help me see things that way. Help us see things that way. 

PS Yesterday went pretty well with being more intentional about encouraging people (see yesterday's blog for explanation). It was amazing to see how my heart started to change toward people as I was intentionally trying to look at them through the eyes of Jesus. Try it sometime. One funny story was I was going through a drive-thru and as the woman handed me the food I remembered I was supposed to encourage her someway. It was hard for me to think of anything profound so I just looked at her and said, "You have really pretty eyes by the way." She said thanks and I drove off. God and I had a little chuckle. 

Day 1: Because I'm Loved and Because He's Worth It

Learning to be radically obedient to God can seem like a mountain of a job. And, if we're not careful, it can turn into a life of performing tasks instead of walking in intimate friendship with Jesus. Jesus warned us about doing all the good stuff apart from knowing Him (remember the sheep and the goats). However, that doesn't mean we aren't supposed to do the good stuff. This morning I read in Ephesians 2:10 that "we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them." James speaks of faith going side by side with works. John says that His commandments are not burdensome.

It is to be with joy that I obey Jesus and I believe that comes from putting two things at the forefront of my mind when living a life of obedience. First, I must always be receiving revelation of the love of God toward me. I'm not trying to earn anything by doing things. And, I'm not doing things for Jesus; I'm doing things with Jesus. I'm not trying to earn gold stars for what I do. I need my focus to be on Jesus, His love for me and my love for Him. I can rest in knowing that it is His glory that is at stake, not mine. I think the world needs to see people who know the radical love of God; not just people who claim to believe in Him and try to show off their gifts.

Second, I need to daily be reminded and resolved in my spirit that Jesus is worth it. If my eyes are continually fixed on Him than it shouldn't be as difficult to deny whatever my flesh is telling me it wants in a moment. It should be easier to say, "No, I won't do this thing," or "Yes, I will gladly do that thing," because whatever it is I'm giving up is nothing in comparison to the worth of Jesus. (And I say "should" because I'm still trying to work this one out. I don't always put my eyes on Him which is part of what this journey is about.

So for today, here are some things I felt the Lord telling me this morning:
-I'm loved whether I do things or not.
-The things He asks me to do with Him are because He promises life for me.
-That I can trust that, while keeping my eyes on Him, everything I do is within the will of God, no matter how big or small.
-Today, we (God and I) are going to swim in the waters of His grace
-As I do life, I can ask Him what He's doing and we can do that together. He told me that sometimes I'm going to join Him and other times He wants to join me because He loves me and loves what I do.
-Practically, I felt like God said that I can love Him today by calling out what He loves in other people (aka encouragement).

So if you're reading this you can keep me accountable to that and tomorrow I hope to post about what God does!

Welcome!

I'm glad you stopped by. I wanted to take a moment to explain what prompted me to create this blog.

If you read about the life of Jesus in the Gospels you will discover a man who was fully submitted to the will of the Father. A Man who loved the lost, broken, and forgotten of this world. A Man who was intentional about everything He did. A Man who had the same human limitations as you and I and yet was without sin and never disobeyed. He was a Man who carried power and authority. Demons fled at His command. The sick were healed. The dead were raised. Relationships were restored. Lives were changed.

If you continue reading in the book of Acts you will see story after story of the same kind of work being carried out through those Jesus left behind. Doesn't it make you excited when you read stories like that? Of ordinary people walking in the plans and purposes of God? Could we dare to dream that that reality is for us today?

But somewhere along the way we get stuck. I know what the Bible says. Jesus said, "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father" (John 14:12, NASB). I know it has to be true and yet I don't always see it being played out in my life. I want to see the dead raised, demons flee, the sick healed, and broken lives restored. Not because I want to be cool but because Jesus says it's what I'll do if I believe in Him. And I don't know about you but if Jesus says something is for me I want as much as He'll give me. 

I love Jesus. I talk to Him daily and do my best to listen to what He wants to say to me. I do my best to love people well (although I often come up short). But when I think about the life I see on a day to day basis compared with the life I know Jesus promises me I see some discrepancies. And I think I've been able to put a finger on why. 

Obedience.

Not just when I feel like it. Not just when I'm around other fiery Christians (although that helps). Not just when it's convenient. Not just when I'm bold. Not just when I have energy. Not just tomorrow or when I'm older or when I get "fixed." But whole-hearted, immediate obedience.

So how do I get over those things? I think my resolve has to be that I believe what Jesus says no matter what and that HE IS WORTH IT. 

Here's where the blog comes in...

I've been doing a lot of thinking of how I can really grow in the area of obedience and God and I decided that I should do a disobedience fast. I am fasting from not doing whatever I know God already has called me to do (like forgive, love my neighbor, share the gospel, etc.) and from what God could call me to do in the moment (go pray for that person, this is how I want you to spend your time today, etc.). Even as I type this challenge it makes me nervous. Which is exactly why I'm doing it. 

I need your accountability. There's just something about writing things down that makes it really sink into your heart. And, I want to have a testimony that says, if I can do it, anyone can do it. I'm committing to 40 days (well, hopefully a lifetime) . I hope you will join me on this journey. The goal is to post daily about what God is speaking that day and reflect on the events of the day before. And if you feel challenged by something similar, please jump in with me. I'm not doing this to make some more rules or create some new formula. I simply want to take Jesus at His word, walk with Him daily, and fall more in love with Him, His people, and His mission. 

Day 1 starts Monday, September 17. Let's go!